she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize