Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
