the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
foreskin is a definite game changer
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
