I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
