Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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