I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
