i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
