just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
