I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize