do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
