sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
