I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My Higher Power is John Stamos
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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