OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
