I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I faked an abortion last night.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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