A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
