You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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