dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
