hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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