There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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