As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
