Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
