I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
