i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
