so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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