I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
