sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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