my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You can't just leave with hair like that
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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