my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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