Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize