dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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