Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I touched a dick in church today
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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