Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
