he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
