i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize