I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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