the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
