you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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