I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
