What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
