I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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