"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
