Don't make out with my wife yet
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
