any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just want nice things and good sex
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
