i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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