If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
