I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
