I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
