i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I party with great urgency now.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
