I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
