why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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