I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
