she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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