Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
