At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
