Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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