then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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