Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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