i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
