I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
