He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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