She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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