I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
