I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize