Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
