Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
