i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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