whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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