Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
