I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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