Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
