I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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