I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
