It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
