dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
