there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
