Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
