Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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