the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
is it fun? or sober?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
