**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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