I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
