they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
