my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Boobs are out for the taking
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
