So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
