I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
