ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
