I hate all girls vehemently.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
