my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
