her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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