you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it glows. i had to have it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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