So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Farmville is her only friend.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
