I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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