My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
