Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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