we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
