I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
