none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
